The other day upon arriving at school I checked my email, as is common practice. I had an email from Amazon, which also isn’t surprising. Pretty regularly I find myself cleaning out the random junk mail from websites I purchased something from before. Normally they get the trash button without a second thought, but this day something caught my interest. The little preview beside the title said “We recommend you purchase Everwood: Season 4.” Sure enough this show, Everwood, that I have (or thought I had) every season to, that was canceled (I thought) after season 3 (much to my dismay) had a 4th season available for pre-order on DVD to be released August 2, 2011. After I checked that it was legit and I wasn’t about to get overly excited about something that didn’t exist, I told all the girls in class of this surprise. I also updated my facebook status to show it, I emailed my mom to tell her I was going to pre-order it, and I texted one of my best friends (who is equally obsessed) to share this wonderful news. I then proceeded to get on Amazon and purchase it. Now I eagerly await its arrival on August 5, 2011.
I hate to admit that I am the kind of person who can get this excited about a TV show, but for some reason I am really passionate about it. I really enjoy the characters. I enjoy the storyline. And I want to watch all of it! Even if you think I am crazy right now, you have to admit that we all have something like that in our lives. Something that we love and would buy the day it comes out, or even pre-order because we want to make sure we get our hands on it as soon as possible. Maybe it is the newest Harry Potter book, or a video game, a new movie, or even the day a friend returns after being gone for a while. Whatever it is, we go and seek it out and then we give up our resources in order to obtain it.
Today I was trying to have quiet time, and found myself struggling. So many days I wind up feeling obligated to read my bible or spend time in prayer without much positive expectations. When I do get over myself and spend time with the Lord, I never regret it; he always surprises me with how he shows up. But my quiet time is riddled with coercing. I spend so much time trying to convince God to meet with me or talk to me. I beg him to reveal himself to me and have to fight through my naturally pessimistic attitudes telling me I wont be able to find the Lord’s presence. I place all the weight on myself to seek God out, to find him, and to bring his presence around me.
As I was fighting the typical battle today, I found myself reading in Revelation 5. In this part of the book the Elders are on their knees before Jesus, worshiping him for the way he came to save man (and is the only one is capable of it). They say in verse 9, “with your blood YOU purchased men FOR God.” (Emphasis is mine).
I would do myself right when seeking the Lord to realize that I’m not the purchaser in this transaction, God is. God is the one who has sought us out, knew us, and gave up his resources to make us his. My relationship with the Lord is merely a response to his advances. He is constantly drawing me towards him and many times this separation I feel in the air between God and I is entirely made up in my head. If God says he is with me, then he is and I should talk to him as such. If God says he is attentive to my cries and prayers, then I should believe that he is straining his neck to hear what I have to say. If he has already purchased me then why I am I still making sacrifices to try to buy him and his time. He wants me to be with him, or he wouldn’t have purchased me to make me all his. If I can be this excited about purchasing a DVD set, I can’t imagine how eagerly God awaits our returning to him.
