Throughout most of my life, I haven’t been “in a relationship”. I didn’t find the requirement of being vulnerable, worth the heartache and lack of control it left me with. Independence was enjoyable and I have always been perfectly capable of taking care of myself. Until I got married last September, my longest relationships were all under 3 months. Within those short relationships I never got to a point of having to give up control or let someone push me beyond how open I was willing to be. About the time commitment levels would be looking to move beyond where I was comfortable, I was out.
Now that I am married there is no out. I find myself in a relationship that I will be in as long as both he and I are alive. Being “one flesh” (Gen. 2:24) means that little is kept to myself. Any way that I am insecure or don’t measure up, he is going to figure it out sooner or later. My proclivity to be controlling is challenged in my call to “submit” (Eph. 5:22) to my husband. Overall, it goes against so much of what I’ve trained myself to be.
We are taught throughout our lives to be some form of feminist. Although we weren’t intended to operate this way, we keep fighting for “women” and fighting against the biblical model of marriage and gender roles. The longer we try, the more we will find ourselves in contention with God’s perfect will, leaving us with anything but perfection.
Throughout my short time being married, God has been shifting my perspective of the role of women. I always wanted to go to college, go into pre-law, go to law school, and then (obviously) become a lawyer. I wasn’t opposed to marriage but I wasn’t convinced it would ever happen to me either. But that didn’t really matter a ton. I was willing to pick up this whole burden of life that God never intended for me. I planned to be the provider, the leader, and the head of my family—a man could enter in that if he wanted (but who would honestly want to be emasculated to that point?). I was trying to fulfill the role of powerful woman by being a man.
Biblically, women are to submit to their husbands (Eph. 5:22). They are to be helpers (Gen. 2:18). They are to be homeward in orientation and support their children and husband before all else (Titus 2:4-5). This isn’t to say they are weak or incapable, or that they shouldn’t work at all or can’t get an education. Check out Proverbs 31:10-31; a lot is expected out of a woman; she has great potential and a unique, powerful role. After all, like men, women were created in the image of God (Gen. 1:26-27) for a specific purpose.
Biblically, women are blessed with the opportunity to flourish and thrive under the leadership of a Godly husband. We aren’t to be laden with the responsibility of providing and protecting a family in the way that a man is. We are given the freedom to follow and find happiness without many of the burdens of men’s curses (Gen 3:17). So women, let me ask, why do we fight against this blessing? Instead of accepting a gift intended to make our lives easier through the perfection of God’s plan, we reject it in favor of a life of toil trying to live a life that we weren’t designed for. Rather than carrying our end of the bargain and letting the head do what it’s supposed to, we would like to do our part as well as the mans. Or, at our biggest shift, we completely neglect the responsibilities of our own role and swap them for the role of the Head.
We are the bride of Christ. Whether male or female, we are the helper, never the head. It’s God’s job to protect and provide for us. He, and only He, offers salvation and sustenance. God doesn’t NEED our help to complete his purposes, but he has enlisted us as helpers to carry out his mission across the earth. We are to depend on him and let him lead, while following faithfully as a good wife does a Godly husband. We aren’t in control, but by assuming authority that isn’t ours, we emasculate God and deny him His rightful position in our life. Although this sounds scary (and torturous to some) it, like being the wife in a human covenant relationship, should come as a relief to us. The realization that we don’t have to carry the weight that God bears should be a beacon of hope, relaxation and peace to us. We get the blessing of being a helper in God’s ministry, with the ultimate assurance, provision and protection found in the head, Jesus Christ.
